Do it trembling if you must, but do it !

WINTER BLOND

As a trucker stops for a red light, a blonde catches up. She jumps out
 of her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on the door.
 *The trucker lowers the window, and she says 'Hi, my name is Heather and 
you are losing some of your load.' */

 *The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street.

 When the truck stops for another red light, the girl catches up again.
 She jumps out of her car, runs up and knocks on the door. */

 *Again, the trucker lowers the window. As if they've never spoken, the
blonde says brightly, 'Hi my name is Heather, and you are losing some of
your load!' */

 *Shaking his head, the trucker ignores her again and continues down the
 street. */

 *At the third red light, the same thing happens again. */

 *All out of breath, the blonde gets out of her car, runs up, knocks on the
 truck door. The trucker rolls down the window. Again she says 'Hi, my name
 is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!' */

 *When the light turns green the trucker revs up and races to the next
 light */

 *When he stops this time, he hurriedly gets out of the truck, and runs
 back to the blonde. */

 *He knocks on her window, and after she lowers it, he says... */


 *'Hi, my name is Kevin, it's winter*/* /in MINNESOTA and I'm driving the
                     SALT TRUCK!/*

since it looks like no one else is going to do it..I will have to do it, but not at the moment, I am still trying to recover after that bit of fun and trip to the cites on monday and tuesday. for now I'm going to sleep.

English is the most widely used language in the history of our planet. One in every 7 humans can speak it. More than half of the world's books and 3 quarters of international mail is in English. Of all the languages,it has the largest vocabulary - perhaps as many as 2 MILLION words. Nonetheless, let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.

We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices?

Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend, that you comb thru annals of history but not a single annal? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn't preacher praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? If you wrote a letter, perhaps you bote your tongue?

Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and wise guy are opposites? How can overlook and oversee be opposites, while quite a lot and quite a few are alike? How can the weather be hot as hell one day and cold as hell another?

Have you noticed that we talk about certain things only when they are absent? Have you ever seen a horseful carriage or a strapful gown? Met a sung hero or experienced requited love? Have you ever run into someone who was combobulated, gruntled, ruly or peccable? And where are all those people who ARE spring chickens or who would ACTUALLY hurt a fly?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which an alarm clock goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race (which, of course, isn't a race at all). That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible. And why, when I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up this essay, I end it.

I have a spelling checker
I disk covered four my PC.
It plane lee marks four my revue
Miss steaks aye can knot see.

Eye ran this poem threw it.
Your sure real glad two no.
Its very polished in its weigh,
My checker tolled me sew.

A checker is a blessing.
It freeze yew lodes of thyme.
It helps me right awl stiles two reed,
And aides me when aye rime.

Each frays comes posed up on my screen
Eye trussed too bee a joule.
The checker pours o'er every word
To cheque sum spelling rule.

Bee fore wee rote with checkers
Hour spelling was inn deck line,
Butt now when wee dew have a laps,
Wee are not maid too wine.

And now bee cause my spelling
Is checked with such grate flare,
There are know faults in awl this peace,
Of nun eye am a wear.

To rite with care is quite a feet
Of witch won should be proud,
And wee mussed dew the best wee can,
Sew flaws are knot aloud.

That's why eye brake in two averse
Cuz Eye dew want too please.
Sow glad eye yam that aye did bye
This soft wear four pea seas.

There were four people sitting in a train compartment: an old lady who was knitting, a young woman who was reading a book, a lecturer who was talking about his research, and his young student whom he was taking to a conference, and who was listening to his lecturer and taking down notes.
This situation continued for quite a while. The old lady knitting, the young woman reading, the lecturer talking away, and the student listening.
Then the train went into a tunnel, and the compartment was plunged into darkness. No-one could see anything. Suddenly there came the sound of a loud kiss, followed by a hearty slap. As the train came out of the tunnel, eveyone was in the same position as they had been before.
Now the old lady thought that she knew what had happened. Good for her, she thought, that young man has just kissed the girl, and she slapped him.
The young woman thought that she knew what had happened. How funny, she thought, the young man tried to kiss me, kissed the old woman by mistake, and she gave him a slap.
The lecturer thought that he knew what had happened. It's not fair, he thought, my student kissed that girl, and she slapped me by mistake.
But only the student really knew what had gone on. Under the cover of the darkness, he had loudly kissed the back of his hand, then slapped his lecturer and got away with it.